tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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