im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
