I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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