wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
