i barfeds in our rink
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
