Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
