What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
