I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
