My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
