i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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