is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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