I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Rumble strips road head = magical
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
