Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
