I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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