I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
