is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
