I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize