dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize