hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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