They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
