no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize