Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's like iHOP with fire
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
