If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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