She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
