Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
