my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
