similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
