I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just google imaged poop.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize