apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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