My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
