I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
