wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
