do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
