You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
