Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
