I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
