You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
