Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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