Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize