There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
