I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
