i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize