I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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