I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
