WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
