You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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