Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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