I just saw a hot homeless man
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
