the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
