Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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