i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
