i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
