I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize