What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
