dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
