im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
