So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize