You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
