i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
