ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
