Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
