I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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