If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
