If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
