Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
