you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
