Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
