obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
