i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
