You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
