sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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