Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
