How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
